Was Jesus Drunk?
by Undead violet
Summary: When Sakura leaves for a job interview with the company, Akatsuki, on Christmas Eve she never expected to lose her virginity to an unexpected, soon-to-be cooworker. Oneshot, AU, DeiSaku.


As a Christmas gift and going away present, I present you with an DeiSaku lemon. Merry Christmas Sammi~!

Rated M for language, sexual content and adult material.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any other thing referenced in here.

**Was Jesus drunk?**

* * *

Sakura drove down the street, shaking her head in time to the radio. She thought the song was...I kissed a girl? Whatever it was, the beat caught her and she began singing along.

It was Christmas Eve and here she was, going to a job interview. Pathetic. But she needed the money, her parents had cut her off when they found out she worked at the bar, the Drunk Sannin. Then she got fired because some douchebag had tried feeling her and she kicked him in the balls. Her good mood evaporated when she recalled what her boss, Sasuke, had said.

"If it would help bring in customers, I would throw you outside naked and have you dance. You should just feel flattered he found you attractive enough to try anything, though it was probably the beer acting. Either way, you're fired."

The nerve of that asshole! She floored it as the light changed from red to green and checked her GPS again. It's name was Freddie. According to him, she had to take the next right to get to the office for the job interview. Why it was on Christmas Eve when she could be off at church, she had no idea but it was the first place to call her back. She had applied so many times she thought there would be ink on her hands forever.

Besides that, she was grateful to have an excuse to get away from her family. Immediate family. They never had great get-togethers, it was just her, her parents, a restaurant and the St. Minato Lutheran church. In other words, an evening of hell.

So she crossed her fingers as she flicked on her blinker and saw the ominous building that stood before her. It filled her with so much dread, she turned too wide and nearly scraped the car waiting to turn left. The bastard driving it honked at her but she just flipped him off and kept driving. Really though, who would want to work in a twenty-story black building? But she needed to get a 'reputable' job as her father said so she found a parking spot as close as she could get to the entrance and cut the engine.

Stepping out, the cold winter wind jerked the unbuttoned coat away from her body. She shivered and quickly did up the buttons while walking to the doors. According to the phone conversation with the guy who-in her opinion-had a very sexy voice, she was to go to floor seven and be directed by the secretary there. The elevators were left of the desk that faced the entrance and she entered one with trepidation. Her palms were suddenly sweaty as the realization that she needed this job sunk in. Needless to say the short journey up seven floors caused a sickening feeling and stress headache.

There was another desk right in front of the elevators on floor seven with a plate that clearly said 'secretary'. But there was no one behind it. Sakura checked, walking all the way around. Not a soul was to be found. She frowned and took out the little piece of paper she had scribbled information down on. It clearly said floor seven, find secretary, 7'o'clock. Her watch said 6:50. _Well fuck _she thought and sat down against the desk to wait. Her reflection stared back at her from the elevators.

Ten minutes of useless fiddling passed before she got up the nerve to explore. It had to be on floor seven! There was no way a secretary would lead her up or down floors, was there? So she began strolling around, trying doors and peering inside to see if anyone was there. It was in the fifth room she tried that she found a very attractive man.

He had his head resting on his hands with his elbows propped on the desk. Long black hair hung down his back in a ponytail with two wads of it left loose to frame his face. What she could see of his body above his desk was very encouraging and the top three buttons of his shirt had been undone to reveal a promising taste of skin. He remained prone when she opened the door so she moistened her lips and stuttered out something. She forgot what it was that she said when he raised his head and stabbed her with, and no kidding, red eyes. Beautiful garnets that had to have adorned Hera herself in the past.

"You must be Sakura. I've been waiting. Please, sit down." She sat in an afore-unnoticed stool in front of the desk, removing her coat and dropping it on the floor next to her. He examined her until she started fidgeting, twisting in her seat under the cold scrutiny of his eyes.

"Well then...why do you wish to work for the Akatsuki?"

"Um, I need a job and well, to be honest you're the first to invite me in for an interview. But that's not what you meant of course!" Here she paused to gather her thoughts, "Truthfully, I've always wanted an office job, because you hear all these interesting stories about them and the Akatsuki is an amazing company, though it's hard to find out what it is you really do. Your website says you help your clients manage their children but somehow there seems to be this underlying, unidentifiable message...uh..."

Sakura wilted under his piercing glare that, if she wasn't too scared out of her wits to notice, held a glint of curiosity.

"That information is classified. I'm sorry. If you obtain this job, I assure you that everything you wish to know shall be provided. What qualifications do you have?"

"I've been working at the Drunk Sannin for four years now. I graduated from Konoha high and have not attended any college yet."

"Do you think you're right for this job?"

"I'd like to say so..."

"Why?"

And on it went, question after question until Sakura began to feel the increasing temperature. She took off her hoodie while he shuffled some papers on his desk and struggled a bit when the zipper got caught in her red camisole. By the time she finally got the damned thing off and threw it down on top of her coat, he was staring at her again. Him. She realized she had never asked his name.

"Hey um this might sound silly so late but what's your name?"

"..." He just remained silent, staring at her while she looked everywhere but at him.

"Hello?"

"...keep going." Sakura brought her green eyes to meet his in surprise. She had an ideal that he might be talking about the interview but it felt like there was a meaning hidden in this too. She cleared her throat and asked,

"I beg your pardon?"

"Keep going."

"With what?"

"Undressing."

There was an awkward pause. Sakura felt torn between laughing and crying. It was like something out of a crazy romance novel. Person meets boss-possible boss in her case-and have sex in his office. Surely this...man that she didn't even know the name of did not just say what she thought he did.

"Umm...excuse me?"

"Consider it a...favor. An extra incentive for me to hire you." His red eyes had an amused glint to them now, coupled with an expectant one. He really thought she was gonna strip in his office? With him right there?

"So you want a sexual 'favor from me in order for you to hire me? That's sexual harassment! I could have you arrest-" She cut herself off when he stood up.

"It's just stripping. We're both adults, it shouldn't matter." He was smirking at her, that arrogant bastard! Smirking as he...he unbuttoned his shirt. Sakura swallowed hard and averted her eyes. They kept straying back to him though, enough to see that he was as sexy as she had first thought. When his hands drifted to his pants, she firmly clamped her eyes shut.

"You can open your eyes." She obeyed his cool voice and was met with the sight of a desk with no one behind it. Not a sign of the man. Sakura swiveled on her stool to view the whole room and promptly fell off of it when she was met with an eyeful of dick. He had been behind her.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Her voice cracked on the 'doing', betraying her fear. Seriously though, who strips during a job interview and then-he was behind her again. Crouching. Licking her neck.

Sakura screamed and scrambled away, kicking when her skirt resisted until she wriggled out of it and hit a wall. He had her skirt clenched in his hand. She screamed again, leaped up and rushed for the door but was tripped by him. With a thud, the breath was knocked out of her by the floor and she laid stunned for a second. This had turned from a romance novel to some terrible rape story. Or maybe he was a vampire, not the gay vegetarian ones from Twilight but the legit ones, that seriously killed you or turned you into a demonic beast like them.

He had flipped her onto her back and was trying to pull her camisole over her head when a voice saved her.

"Itachi? I heard screams, are you doing another job interview?" It sounded very close, maybe just on the other side of the door. Sakura screamed and struggled with renewed energy against the man who was trying to force his way with her.

'Help meeee!" The door opened, hitting her head painfully but she forgot it when the man-Itachi?-was lifted off of her by a blonde. No, blond. The hair was long and thick but there were no curves under that shirt. Another man.

"What have we told you about arranging these interviews without approving it with the rest of us, un? Geez, Itachi, do you want us to be arrested, un!" The blond threw the naked man behind his desk and gathered Sakura's coat, skirt and hoodie before offering her his free hand.

"I'm really sorry about this, his girlfriend died awhile ago and hasn't been the same ever since, un. Let me buy you a drink to make it up, un."

"Um...sure." She was too relieved that her virginity had been preserved that she would do anything now. Besides get raped. So she let him pull her up, took her skirt and pulled it on, then her hoodie and coat before following him out of the room. By the time the elevator door had dinged signaling their return to ground floor, the blond's frown had turned into a grin.

"So what's your name? Mine's Deidara, I also work for the Akatsuki, un. Most of the members are okay but there are one or two quirks that ruin them. Me? I don't think I have any problems, un...well I do like exploding things. But since high school I've limited it to simply fireworks, un." She smiled, somehow his upbeat personality made her forget the terrible thing that nearly happened. And that weird un added to most of his sentences...entrancing.

"I'm Sakura, currently unemployed and uncertain about my desire to be hired by the Akatsuki anymore. I do have a quirk and that's being an alcoholic. I think I get it from my ex-coworker, Tsunade." He laughed as they went out and were buffeted by the same wind that had hit her about two hours earlier. Only this time, there was snow mixed into it.

"Right so...the Drunk Sannin should still be open, un. Do you want to go there or...?"

"Hell no! I don't ever want to see Sasuke again! What about the...um..." She was unfamiliar with other bars around the area.

"Wait, wait. Sasuke, un? That's Itachi's little brother, un!"

"...You're kidding! That explains so much." She laughed along with him and walked around his car to the passenger door. Though Sakura didn't know her cars at all, it looked to be a very nice car. But cold. Very cold.

"Well I know someone who works at the Tipsy Toad but...the owner's a pervert, un. Don't worry I'll protect you though, un!" They spent a merry car ride across Konoha to a part that was unfamiliar and sure enough, the building he parked next to had a blazing neon sign saying 'The Tipsy Toad' in bright pink. Deidara pointed this out, joking that it was barely brighter than her hair.

When the walked in, Sakura was greeted with a crowd and the oh-so-familiar scent of sweat and alcohol. It was like home to her. Deidara shoved his way through the crowd-what were they doing here? It was Christmas Eve!-and dragged her along to the bar. The tender standing behind it was a drunk white-haired man. He leered at her until Deidara slammed his fist down on the table and demanded two beers. The man-later she found out his name was Jiraiya-brought them and tried to strike up a conversation with her. She ignored him, focusing instead on the blond who promptly dumped two wasted men out of their bar stools and offered her one.

After sitting and downing three beers, a boy sitting on her other side turned to her. He didn't really look old enough to have the beer that was in his hand but when she asked him about it, his license revealed that he was 24 and named Naruto. Deidara seemed to know him, laughing and leaning across her to give him a slug on the arm.

They chatted while Sakura got two more beers and downed them, definitely starting to feel their effects. But she had been drinking for years so she knew she could handle at least nine beers before even starting to act like a drunkard. Twelve and she would usually be all over the place. Fourteen and she passed out. She was in the process of yelling for another when a red head slid inbetween her and Deidara, gesturing for one as well.

"What's a pink-haired girl doing between two blonds? You should be with a red head like me." He was verging on the edge of being drunk, shouting to make himself heard. The music had gotten louder, or so she thought.

"What's your name, Mr. red head?" Their beers were placed in front of them only when the red head reached for his, Deidara snatched it away.

"Don't you know it's rude to drink beer in front of a lady, Sasori, un?"

"Why Deidara I didn't even see you there. Art is definitely not a bang, ya know." Sakura chugged her beer as Deidara threw his stolen beer at the red head, missed, and splashed it all over her instead. She giggled instead of getting mad as her hoodie-the coat having been left in the car-stuck to her in all the wrong places. Deidara stuttered apologies but she just dragged him with her to the bathroom. The women in it fled screaming at the sight of a guy so they had it all to themselves. Just as Sakura had planned.

"Sakura, I'm really sorry, un!" She motioned for him to shush, turn around and then stripped off her hoodie, camisole and skirt. They were all dripping in beer.

"Hey Deidara...I know a way for you to make it up to me." Her slurred voice took on a sultry edge. He spun around and turned red at the sight of her in her skimpy lingerie. It was Christmas Eve. Who wouldn't wear sexy, lacy bras and underwear?

"Sakura...we just met, un. I'm not sure..." She pouted, strutting closer to him, sliding her arms around his neck.

"Don't you want me, Dei-da-ra?" He looked away, clearly blushing now as she rubbed her body against his. A bulge could be felt in his pants. She kissed him, thrusting her tongue into his mouth, demanding he respond. And he did.

Suddenly her back hit a tiled wall, the bra was unhooked and discarded and he was showering kisses everywhere. She didn't even bother with his buttons, tearing his shirt open to run her hands across his chest. He was ten times as sexy as Itachi. The buttons were still bouncing on the floor when his pants were removed with her panties and his gorgeous dick was exposed. Sakura gasped in tipsy delight and tried to slid down to taste it. Deidara wasn't having any of that though. He wrapped her legs around his waist and rammed into her without bandying any time.

Sakura cried out in pain as her unused vagina was stretched beyond comprehension. He was huge. But her body adjusted quickly and the pain morphed into pleasure as her back was scraped against the tiles. Deidara thrust into her, going at an insane speed, sweating and still kissing her on every available piece of skin. Her moans mixed with his to create an incredible chord of heavenly joy and passion. Somehow...this was right. Her single life up until now was worth it. Deidara was what she had waited for, turning down those idiot high schoolers again and again.

He slowed, capturing her lips in a passionate kiss and shifted her so there was a whole new angle to his thrusts. It was delicious, indescribable and stretched from one long moment of time to the next. Every detail of life seemed vivid to her, from the drips of sweat to his hand on her thighs to the soft caress of his tongue on hers. They hung suspended for an eternity and a moment, experiencing that burst of life that comes before death early. And then..she orgasmed at the same time as him and the harmony was so unique that their yells of triumph resounded and complimented each other perfectly. It was the best way to lose her virginity.

Deidara cradled her tired body in his arms as he sprawled on the floor of the lady's bathroom. He chuckled at the thought of meeting a sexy girl about to be raped and then having sex with her later. No matter what anyone said at the Akatsuki, she was going to be hired.

* * *

**MERRY CHRISTMAS!**

Feel free to skip this author's note and review, haha.

I apologize to everyone for all spelling and grammatical errors and making Itachi a rapist. But her should be mentally disturbed, if he wasn't a ninja. Think about it! He killed his girlfriend, his family. Yeah...and I like DeiSaku better than ItaSaku so...XP

As for all the 'adult' things in here, I'm sorry if they were screwed up. I'm not an adult yet (SH!) and so it was kind of imagining it...lol.

Review please~! To make the honey bees provide the fairies with honey!


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